After the Trial
by Calinstel
Summary: Based on events after Tali's trial for treason. A little side step in the story that does not effect or change in anyway the actual in game storyline but for those who pursue Tali as a LI it may have meaning.


After the Trial

Paragon Shepard

Admiral Raan call's out, "Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, I see now that you have chosen well, very well indeed. Both in your ship as well as your Captain, they both serve you well."

Tali swells with pride at Raan's words. Quickly glancing at Shepard and then back to Raan before he even notices.

Raan notices Tali's stance, they way she holds her body, the unmistakable signs she is giving.  
Pride, possessiveness. Realization of the true reason begins to dawn in her mind.

Raan continues, "I felt that you were blinded by the Normandy's advanced design and power." She pauses a minute as she remembers all the little queue's Tali has given and then softly she says "I realize now that your decision was based little on the ship. I am concerned though. You know full well our issues and the precautions needed."

Closing the distance further so only a whisper is heard "Your choice of Shepard as your lover is surprising."

"Auntie!" Tali bursts out, hands quickly rising up to her waist, fingers beginning to fidget. Tali's mind races, how could she know? Am I that transparent?

About them, the other quarian's pause to glance in their direction but after a moment they return to their own little conversations.

Surprised by Tali's reaction Raan asks "Tali, is something wrong child?"

Shepard had not been following the conversation closely as he took in the sights of the garden plaza but now his whole attention was focused on these two women. What had the admiral said? He had not been quite close enough to hear the two women sharing secrets among themselves.

He notices Tali standing there with her hands moving quickly, wringing her fingers in her nervousness and Raan just looking at Tali, head slightly cocked to one side.

Raan asks again, "Tali?"

She sees Tali glance once more at Shepard and back to her as understanding hits her. He does not know.

Shepard fully turns to Tali, concern on his face. "Tali, what's wrong?" Through her visor all he can see is her downcast eyes. He realizes she won't look at him. He gently places his hands on her shoulders as he says softly "Tali, please look at me. Tell me whats wrong."

Tali stands there terrified and relieved at the same time. Raan knows, she knows how deeply in love with Shepard she is. She also knows the secret is safe for now, she knows that Raan's words had been soft enough that only she could hear. She feels Shepard's hands on her, wants so badly for them to draw her to him, to wrap themselves around her, to hold her.

Raan looks about, the plaza is too open, too many can see and this should be private. "Shepard" she says, "Let me talk to her and see if I can find out whats wrong. Go do something else and let me talk to Tali"

Shepard glances at Admiral Raan, he doesn't understand the problem and walking away from one is not something he is used to. Reluctantly, he lets his hands drop from Tali's shoulders, letting his hands trace down her arms to the elbows before removing them. "I, um, need to check something on the Normandy, um, meet you back there." was all he could say as he walked away. The bulkhead doors closing finally broke his view of the two women engrossed in a quiet, animated conversation. 

Tali's hands wrestle with each other, trying to still the others movement. "I don't know what to..., I can't stop lov..., I never meant for this..." she whispers at Admiral Raan.

Shala is both watching Tali as well as Shepard, finally the bulkhead door closes cutting off Shepard's view. "Shhh, shhh." she says as she reaches out to take hold of Tali's hands finally stopping their motion. "Here is not the place for this, follow me." she states in a tone that makes it clear it's not a request. Releasing her hands, Raan turns and heads in the direction of another bulkhead door.

Falling into step behind Raan, Tali begins to fear. What if Raan orders her back to the flotilla? She could, she could lock me away from Shepard. Forbid me from ever leaving the fleet or even communicating with him. Where is she taking me? I don't know how but Auntie Raan knows how much he means to me, she just wouldn't take that away. Looking up, she notices just where she is being led. A shuttle docking lock? Tali stops moving.

After a few steps, Raan notices that Tali is no longer following her. Turning she sees her just standing there at the dock entrance. "Tali please, enter the shuttle." Looking closely at her she is shocked to see Tali's body trembling, her eyes are darting left and right as if she's a trapped animal looking for escape.

Tali's mind races. She will not let Raan take him away from her. Where is she, what's the fastest route back to the Norman.." A hand on her shoulder forces her mind back to the here and now. Trying to calm herself she looks at Admiral Raan and states very clearly "Raan, you will not take him away from me. I will not lose him again."

Shala gently lays a hand on Tali's shoulder, feeling the trembles. Softly she says "Tali, child, I never said that." Realizing what an old fool she had been she continues "We needed a place to speak freely and privately, that is all. Where else on the flotilla can we find that?" Through her hand she can feel the shaking lessen but Tali still does not move. Needing to lighten Tali's mood she states "Trust me, I have no wish to have Commander Shepard mount a rescue operation for you and I have no doubt that he would."

Upon hearing his name, Tali relaxes. Raan is right, no where can you find privacy on the flotilla. "I'm sorry, I.. I just..." is all she can say as she lets herself be led into the waiting shuttle. Once inside she watches as Raan closes and seals the airlock before turning back to her. She fears this conversation, she knows that Raan will force her to finally admit the hopelessness of her love once and for all. Make her face the fact that what she dreams of can never be.

Crossing her arms as she faces Tali she tries to think of a way to start. Love is a dangerous battleground. The wrong word could steel her resolve against any help or reduce her to an emotionally unstable mess. She is already tetering on the latter, her stance clearly shows she is near breaking. What can I do or say that will draw her out, make her realize how unhealthy the current situation is. Best to find out at the start and hope that in her answer she can find a way to help Tali. Raan clears her throat and asks "Why..." She does not get to finish.

"WHY?" Tali explodes "Why? 2 years ago he put his life at risk for me, ME. True, I had data he needed but he could have waited and just taken it off my dead body." Drawing another breath she continues "Without him I would never have been able to get that geth data but more than that he treats me as a person, an equal, a friend." Calming down alittle she resumes "I had thought it was just a silly infatuation but when I heard he died a part of me died as well."

Raan knew very well how the news had hit Tali. It was months before Tali could sleep without the nightmares or break down into tears at the mention of his name. She could tell Tali was crying again, her body shaking with her sobs. She wanted to hug her, calm her but she knew this all had to come out. Knew Tali needed to say these things even though it was not what she had been going to ask her.

Tali's legs could no longer support her and sat down on one of the hard seats. She looked up at Raan saying "When he showed up at Freedoms Progress I thought I could keep the past behind me. Treat him as just a friend returning after a long absence. I tried, Keelah I tried, but my heart kept reminding my brain of how I felt about him. When he let me bring Veetor back to the fleet I knew it was really him. I knew I cared for him much more than just as a friend."

Taking a deep, shaky breath she continues sadly "On Haestrom, I had already said my goodbyes to my friends, my family and ancestors. There was only Kal'Reegar and myself left. Death would come soon." Another breath "Then against all hope Shepard is there, risking his life once more for me. And I knew he was there for ME and nothing else. I knew then I loved him, more than anything, anyone else in the entire galaxy. Even if he had failed I would have died happy with the love I felt."

"Now, with the trial, he again risked himself just to help me. He did even more than I could have ever hoped for. My acquittal was possible because of him, of what he said. No one has ever said such things about me." Looking directly at Raan she says simply "How could I not love him?"

"Tali" Shala says "I have no doubt that you love him, that is very plain to see even before we came to the shuttle. What I wanted to know, what I need to know is this." Looking directly at Tali, Shala asks the question she tried to ask before. "Why have you not told him?"

Tali sits there just staring at Raan, the words sinking into her. Why have I not told him? Why?

Raan watches Tali, sees the subtle shifting of her eyes. Knows that within her brain she searches for an answer. She prays Tali can find it.

Her mind is racing, bouncing from one thought to another. Why? There are so many reasons why she hasn't confessed her love. Not the same race, the mission is too important, our suits make it impossible, he doesn't lov.. Tali's mind refuses the last. He must love me, why else would he have come. Why? No,no. He's too important, he has the whole galaxy on his shoulders. Why should I burden him with my feelings. I am nothing, just an insignificant speck. Drifting through space...

Raan notices the change in Tali's posture and her eyes have stop bouncing about the shuttle, she is focusing now. Good, she has searched and found an answer. The answer only saddens her more.

"The Fleet, I cannot abandon the flotilla." Tali states "Once this mission is over. I will have to return to the flotilla and he, he will have to leave. There is so much that needs to be done for the Migrant Fleet, h.. how can I ask him to be apart of that?" Her resolution falters, she sees the look Raan gives her even as she herself realizes it's falseness. "It's..It's for the good of the Fleet." she finishes quietly. Tali's eyes silently plead with Raan to please let her just stand by his side for a short time more.

Crossing her arms over her chest, Raan just stares at Tali for a moment. She can see through the lie, Tali is afraid. Afraid Shepard will reject her so she finds excuses to ease the pain. Even a fool can see that Commander Shepard cares deeply for her, well any fool other than the one before her now, but it is not her place to tell her that. Tali must hear that from him.

"For 5 minutes I have stood here waiting for an answer" Raan begins with a harsh tone "and the best you can come up with is the Fleet? I'm sorry Tali but your father was a fool! He taught you nothing about life. What is the point of all this" she uncrosses her arms and broadly gestures to indicate the Fleet "if it is not so that we can live? Living doesn't mean fixing a broken air filter or rebuilding a waste recycling pump and it damn well isn't giving your whole life over to the Fleet just because your father did. Those things are important to stay alive but living means so much more, it's about joy and sorrow, pain and comfort and finding someone to share it with. It means so much more than 'The Fleet'!"

Reminding Tali of her father caused a tear to slowly fall down her cheek. She wanted to defend her father but could not, even in death he had only thought of the fleet and not her. Shepard heard, he saw. She had held onto him so tightly as she cried, almost..almost as tightly as he had held her...

Before her thoughts could follow that path Raan continued.

Her voice softer now "Tali, I will not lie to you. Living hurts, loving hurts more, but you can't stop trying. When you mother died your father lost sight of everything. He allowed himself to be consumed by the Fleet, unable to even share alittle of that life with you." Staring directly into Tali's eyes she continues "Don't let the pain of losing something stop you from even trying to obtain it."

Tears begin to flow again on her face as she speaks to Raan. "I..I can't. What if he rejects me? What if he feels insulted and never speaks to me again?" Through her sobs she continues "I..I..I don't want to think about being rejected by him but I can't stop. I want to tell him so badly, let him know what he means to me. Aunt Raan, I don't know what to do! Why does it have to hurt so much?"

Sitting down beside Tali, she tries to comfort her as Tali slowly regains her composure. Raan recalls a previous time.

"Tali, remember when your mother was dying. You fought so hard to get to her, that was love. I held you back, kept you from entering her room. That was love as well. Even though I knew it hurt you terribly I had to do it." Raan sadly continues "Love is something that brings both joy and sorrow, without one the other is nothing. Hiding your feelings is not the answer, either you follow your heart and accept what comes or you become an empty shell knowing nothing but lost hopes. Open your heart to him and trust he holds it gently."

Tali sits there quietly thinking about what Raan has said. Trust. She trusts Shepard with her life. Has so on so many occasions that she never even thinks about it anymore. Would he treat her any differently in this? Too much has happened today. Her father death, active geth in the Fleet and now Raan confuses her with advice on love instead of asking why she would abandon the Fleet. "Aunt Raan" Tali softly asks "Why are you not upset with me?"

Gazing at Tali, Raan says "Child, why would I be upset? There is nothing wrong with following your heart." Glancing at the door, she brings up her omnitool and unseals the airlock. "Tali, it's time to return to your ship. After all this time Shepard may well be gathering his team to rescue you." Raan finishes the statement with a smile in her voice.

They both stand, Raan turning to Tali and starting to say "Keelah se'lai" but never finishes as Tali hugs her saying "Thank you Auntie, thank you." Quickly walking back to the Normandy she thinks once more about what Raan had said. Trust he holds it gently. Oh she does trust Shepard. Now if she can just build up her courage enough to talk about it. Her last thought as she cycles through the airlock to the Normandy was a simple word. Trust...


End file.
